Joy in the Morning

The Struggle of Faith

2011-11-15T09:03:00.001-08:00

The struggle to stay afloat in this world called Faith sometimes is just that, a struggle... but isn't this the way that it is suppose to be? I look back upon the times I cherish most in my life, and I can honestly say they did not come without struggle and pain.

Learning to walk did not come without bumps and bruises along the way.

Riding a bike, skates, or any other thing with wheels for that matter didn't come without the feeling of life out of control and my world crashing...literally!

Saying goodbye to the ones I loved to set out on my own in this great big world was met with loneliness and breathtaking reality of what adulthood really meant.

Meeting my husband was first preceeded by a time where I was convenced that I was unloveable and forgotten.

The birth of each of my children, with a time of carrying a most uncomfortable weight, longing to see their face, hold them in my arms, and breathe in that first breath of new life fresh from heaven itself.

Each move, each choice, each step in this walk of life is a struggle to believe in what is yet to be seen, yet to be transfered from the reality of realms...spirit to natural.

Yet it is worth the wait... as all things good are... Wings are strengthened so that flight can be higher than first thought possible. We are created to dream big dreams, so that we can in times like these learn to touch the bigness of our God and soar.

God has great plans for us... just outside... just past the struggle...is the truth of what is to be.

In Between

2011-11-05T11:30:00.000-07:00

~David the anointed king finds himself hiding in a cave, running for his life.~Moses the leader of his people runs away and moves to the desert.~Ruth gives up everything to follow her mother-in-law, to find herself in the middle of a field gathering the scraps left behind by the harvesters.There is a place in between… a place beyond the thrill of the commission and the realization of the promise. The place in between. Where life is lived, where faith is honed, and where trust is made. The enemy whispers the age old lie…”Did God really say?” and It is here the choice must be made. Will I go back to what is comfortable… Will I walk away, or will I really stand… Will I raise the sword that has been placed in my hand. Will I use the shield that protects my heart and take the step to truly believe?It is a place of vulnerability, of confusion, and of doubt… It is a place of choice. . Where battles are won and lost and where warriors are made.

Random thoughts

2011-11-01T08:38:00.001-07:00

As I come to the final months in 2011 and reflect on where God and I have walked this past year, I see that the journey although not at all at it’s final destination, has been further than I have expected.

It has been a path of strolling through meadows with the gentle breeze blowing thru my hair and whispers of I love you, to clinging to God as I walk… (sometimes all but run) through the valley of the shadow of death.
All the while learning some very valuable life changing lessons along the way. This year began with a whisper… “Truth in your inward being.” Quite honestly my persception was quite different than what God thought.
I assumed that it would be a year of God pouring truth into me…
I would become wise…
I would become closer to him…
I would show the world that I wasn’t the blonde they think I am.

God, however had other plans! God showed me, as painful as it was at the time, how empty I actually was.
That I had indeed lost my first love, and believed a lie.
He showed me that in my emptiness I was clinging so hard to what I couldn’t control, I was strangling those around me.
He showed me that what I believed to be truth about myself, about my husband, and about my friends and family was actually me filtered thru pain of the past.
He also showed me who He is… and who He has created me to be.
He has shown me that as I let go of who I think I should be, I have room to embrace who it is I have been created to be.
He restored my voice, strengthened my inward parts, and fashioned beauty for ashes.
He whispered of His deep love for me, and how he longed to see me as I truly am.
He took away my fear of not being in control and showed me how to fight.

I no longer have to cower and worry… I can now stand and declare He has set me free!
He has given me a longing to see others set free.
I long to take those so captivated by the past that their very breath seems to be sucked out of them and show them their future.
Show them that they are loved with an immeasurable love… I long to walk with them in their pain, as I am familiar with the path.
I long to hold them as all that they believe comes crashing down around them, because I know that after the weeping… Joy comes in the morning.
I do not know all the places that God is taking me, but I do know that there is a reason He has taught me to fight, there is a reason that He has shown me how deeply He loves me, and there is a reason I long to show this to others… and finally I can know that for now… that is enough for me!

Even now, what stirs your heart?

2011-09-23T22:03:00.000-07:00

2 Kings Ch 11
Your job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going.

Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere
God does not reveal himself as limitless in order to limit us. Quite the contrary. He wants to put his heart within us. “God did not save you to tame you!”

God is not looking for people who act like Christians. He wants us to be Christians! The word Christian means “anointed or Christ-like one.” Jesus didn’t go around “being good,”; he went around “doing good” and releasing all who were oppressed. What has he anointed you to do?

How will you respond when you are fully, dangerously awake? What history will you make? Will you, like the fierce lioness, awaken from a tranquilized state and rise up to defend your family, your community, your world? Are you awake? Even now, what stirs your heart?

Just as the men in the above scripture where charged; our job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going. This must be our first and foremost obligation. Without this at the forefront of our daily lives all that follows is for nothing.

We try so hard to act like Christians, when this isn’t what God wants from us at all. He wants us to BE Christians. Not to act “Christ-like, but to BE Christ-like. “ how will we know what to do if we have no idea who he is and what he is doing?

We are not drones, that just walk around filling space, bumping into things and only spitting out what we have been programmed to do. We are, with the anointing of The King, a forced to be reckoned with. A voice to be heard above the deadening hum of the ordinary.

What stirs my heart? I want to see the lives of others change as they realize that they are free. I want to take them by the hand and show them who God has called them to be. I want to be with them to help them understand the gifts that they have hidden for so long and watch as they release them to soar. I want to be there as they pick up the weapon and turn and slay the enemy that has held them in bondage with a mere lie. I want to stand with them in the midst of their storm and together yell the battle cry… “I AM FREE! I WILL LIVE!”

Wall or Wing?

2011-08-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

2 Samuel 1-3

Ch 1
In lament, David ripped his clothes to ribbons. All the men with him did the same. They wept and fasted the rest of the day, grieving the death of Saul and his son Jonathan, and also the army of God and the nation Israel, victims in a failed battle.

David and his men wept. They wept for Saul… the man out to kill David, They wept for Jonathan, David’s friend that chose to stay loyal to those out to destroy David… and they wept for the army of God, victims in a failed battle.

This struck my heart strongly today.
It made me ask myself a question, that was humbling to answer.

How many times have I wept for… mourned for something other than what affected me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those who have come against me?
Have I ever mourned for those that were friends yet chose to stand by those who wounded me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those warriors in the army of God who have fallen victim in a failed battle?

The focus of my heart has to change. I must look at those who have come against me and mourn for them… mourn for the fact that they have listened to a lie instead of seeking the truth… that they have walked away from what God was longing to show them to heal the very thing that they were seeking deliverance from… That they chose safety instead of living.

Soothing Psalms
Psalms 91:1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I know like David, I am not to return to the relationships that were unhealthy and damaging. I know that if I did there would be certain death. But there is something to be said for the choice to hide under the shelter of his wings instead of behind the wall of pain.

When I hide behind the wall of pain it locks me away from everything and everyone. The only thing that is able to penetrate the wall is the flight of fight instinct that drove me there in the first place. I live with brick and mortar in hand, in breathless pain and debilitating numbness waiting for the next shoe to be dropped so the wall can be built higher.

Yet when I hide under the shelter of the Most High. It is then that I am closest to his heart. The storms of life can rage around me and yet there is nothing but safety. As I am there under his wings my heart learns to beat in rhythm with his and there is rest!

It is here in this rhythm that I learn to mourn for those who have walked away. Not from me, but from God. I can mourn the fact that they have chosen the old safe way of doing things and live in the perpetual “look at me” state to get their affirmation instead of experiencing the true adventure God has designed them for. I can mourn for those in the Army of God who have fallen victim to the enemy’s plan to divide and conquer. And lastly I can mourn those whom in the past I have called friend and have chosen to stand with those whose only thought was destruction.

Lord,
Thank you, thank you for showing me a tender side of you. Thank you for finding me hiding behind my walls of pain and bringing me to true safety under the shadow of your wing. Thank you for holding me close enough to hear the rhythm of your heart’s beat and giving me the opportunity of re-tuning the beat of my heart to be in sync with yours.

At His feet

2011-08-09T09:23:00.001-07:00

Ruth is one of my favorite books of the bible. The story of a young widow, leaving all that she is comfortable with to follow after a God she barely knows.

Naomi and Ruth find themselves back in Naomi’s home town. Naomi is devastated by what life has brought her… the death of not only her husband, but her two sons as well.

In a time when women were not allowed to “fend for themselves,” the loss of all the males in the family brought on additional hardship.

Ruth steps up and decides to put herself at risk and glean in the fields. Picking up the scraps that the harvesters have left behind.

Boaz notices the commitment of this young girl to her mother in law and how hard she works and gives her special privileges.

Later Ruth offers herself at the feet of Boaz and becomes his wife… the mother of Jesse, the great grandmother of David.

Soothing Psalms
Psalms 83:18
May they know that you alone—whose name is Yahweh—are the Most High over all the earth!

The Lord works in amazing way and can change the course of any human plan. Be patient and trust him, because his vindication is coming.

This brings me peace… The story of Ruth reminds me that my hard work and commitment to those I love have not gone unnoticed. As I continue to offer myself at the feet of Jesus he will cover me and protect me. He does indeed work in amazing ways and can change the course of any human plan in an instant.

We never really know the outcome of our actions, but we can be sure that if they are placed at the feet of our savior they will be made to be more than we could ever hope or imagine.

You want me to do WHAT?

2011-08-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

Soothing Psalms
Ps 78:37-39
“Their hearts were not really loyal to God… Still God was merciful… He remembered that they were only human, like a wind that blows and does not come back”

Judges Ch 6
One day the angel of God…came to Gideon and said “God is with you, O mighty warrior!”
Gideon replied, “ With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, “Didn’t God deliver us from Egypt?’ The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian.”
But God faced him directly: “Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven’t I just sent you?”
Gideon said to him, me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me, my clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”
God said to him. “I’ll be with you . Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.”
Gideon said, “If you’re serious about this , do me a favor: Give me a sign to back up what you’re telling me. Don’t leave until I come back and bring you my gift.”

I love the story of Gideon. His country is devastated. They are living eyeball deep in the choices that they made, and it has caused them to question God. (How very much like me… My choices leading me to question God)

Their enemy is ravaging them to the point that they have NOTHING! Like grains of sand, everything they try to grasp at slips through their fingers leaving them empty and afraid.

This is where the angel of God finds Gideon… Hiding out in the wine press threshing wheat.
Trying desperately to steal away to scrounge up a small meager meal.

Yet the angel of God calls him “Mighty Warrior” and commissions him for duty. He tells him to tear down the Baal idols that have been set up and to offer a sacrifice to God on the alter.

Gideon’s response… If you are really sent by God…. Wait here while I go get you something to eat. What does he make… Stew! Not a quick go grab something; but something that takes time. (I can imagine he was hoping when he returned that the angel of God would be tired of waiting, or that this was all some sort of bad dream and would be gone)
He wasn’t!

So reluctantly Gideon obeyed the command of the angel and tore down his father’s alter of Baal and offered sacrifices to God… In the middle of the night, bringing along 10 men, so that nobody would know that it was him.
But they found out!

Here Gideon is pumped! And in his zeal blows his rams horn… calling out his enemy to a fight.
Other’s respond to the battle cry!

Then the reality of what is about to happen sets in and again Gideon sets out a test for God… (two in fact, just incase there is some sort of fluke the first time)

God answers… then cuts Gideon’s men from 30 companies… to 300 men!

I am sure at this point there was probably a great deal of reluctance and nervousness on Gideon’s part!

God then uses Gideon to destroy the enemy!

I love the story of Gideon… why because he is so much like me.
I find myself eyeball deep in the choices I’ve made, grasping at the sand that keeps slipping through my fingers… hiding out from my enemy trying to eek by with just enough to calm the rumbling of my stomach when God finds me, looks me in the eye, and calls me Mighty Warrior!

He knows my fears that tend to consume me, and is patient in meeting my needs… all the time building my courage for the battle that lies ahead.

God uses ordinary everyday people to do his extraordinary work. And it will never cease to amaze me! Why? Because he remembers who I am… just like I remember… all my failures, all my wrong choices… all my stupid mistakes… all my fears… yet He chooses to love me… to use me and to call me by who he has created me to be… A Mighty Warrior used for the King of Kings!

No going back

2011-07-27T08:56:00.000-07:00

Joshua 2-4

Ch3

Look at what’s before you: the chest of the Covenant. Think of it- the Master of the entire earth is crossing the Jordan as you watch.

And there they stood, those priests carrying the chest of the covenant stood firmly planted on dry ground in the middle of the Jordan while all Israel crossed on dry ground.

Ch 4

Joshua set up the 12 stones taken from the middle of the Jordan that marked the place where the priests who carried the chest of the covenant stood.

“Yes, God your God, dried up the Jordan waters for you until you had crossed, Just as God, your God, did at the Red Sea, which had dried up before us until we had crossed, This was so that everybody on earth would recognize how strong God’s rescuing hand is and so that you would hold God to solemn reverence always.

As we enter into the promises that God has for us we must remember that God is going before us.

It is interesting that both the entering and the exiting of the wilderness are marked by a parting of waters.

This tells me two things:

· There is no going back

· It takes God himself to open the way.

As I face the life in the promised land, there may be times where I look back at what I have gone through and be tempted to live there again. The truth is I can’t! My heart had been changed. I see with different eyes and although I may find myself in the same proximity of my past, I can no longer live there.

God himself had gone before me, moving heaven and earth to rescue me from captivity, and free me from the pain that captivity brought.

As I enter into this new life, I too must have reminders in my life. Something to remind me who I am, where God is taking me and the miraculous journey to get here.

A little something for myself?

2011-07-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

Joshua 4-7

Ch 7

Then the people of Israel violated the holy curse, Achan son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah of the tribe of Judah, took some of the cursed things.

Joshua leads the people of Israel into battle under the direction of God. Their first battle mind you in the promised land.

God gives then Jericho literally. All they are required to do is march quietly until the ram’s horn is blown then shout praise to God… And the walls crumble before them.

What a victory!!!

Then Achan decides to keep a little something for himself. God becomes angry and 36 men die because of Achan’s actions.

It is very easy to look at Achan and judge his actions. A quick label of “greed” and a that’s what he gets! Then I walk away proudly mounted on my beautiful high horse!

But what happens if I don’t walk away? If instead I dismount my horse put away the quick judgment and instead look at the lesson taught?

Yes, Achan was wrong in his actions. Yes, he needed to be punished, but what would cause a man who has just experienced the hand of God move in such a powerful way to make these choices? I can only guess…. Maybe it was greed, maybe it was more than that...maybe it was after being in the wilderness for so long and looking at the prospect of finally being home, he wanted to make sure that his family was provided for… that He was ok.

As I take this one step further, I wonder how many times I have in the past made these same choices in my walk with God. How many times have I kept a little something for myself in order to insure a “safe” place. My heart has many, many, many areas that I feel are better off left hidden… but it is in the hiding that others are wounded and left for dead.

As I see God move in my life and see the walls of the enemy crumble at my feet, I must remember that there is no need to keep anything for myself… It is cursed and leads to death. I must put my whole trust in God, hold nothing back, hide nothing… and let him have every last bit of me…. NOW THAT’S A VICTORY WORTH SHOUTING ABOUT!

Father, help me to give absolutely everything to you. Holding nothing back for myself, nothing hidden or buried, but all given for your use and your glory, that others see for themselves the redeeming love that drives you.

Marching orders are being drawn

2011-07-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

Deuteronomy 1-3

Ch 1

You've stayed long enough at this mountain. On your way now. Get moving. head for the Amorite hills, wherever people are living in the Arabah, the mountains, the foothills, the Neger, the seashore- the Canaanite country and the Lebanon all the way to the big river, the Euphrates. Look, I've given you the land now go in and take it. It's the land God promised to give you...

Look, God Your God, has place this land as a gift before you. Go ahead and take it now: God, the God-of-your-fathers, promised it to you. Don't be afraid. Don't lose heart.

Ch 2

God, your God, has blessed you in everything you have done. He has guarded you in your travels through this immense wilderness for 40 years now, God, your God has been right here with you. You haven't lacked one thing.

Ch 3

You've seen with your own two eyes everything God, your God has done to these two kings. God is going to do the same thing to all the kingdoms over there across the river where you're headed. Don't be afraid of them. God your God, He's fighting for you.

Soothing Psalms:

Psalms 61:3-4

You have been a refuge for me, a strong tower in the face of the enemy. I will live in Your tent forever, and take refuge under the shelter of your wings.

The time in the desert is drawing to a close and as I stand on this mountain and survey all that is around me, I realize I can't stay here.

I look behind me from this vantage point and see all that God has done. I've seen how his continual Love and guidance has protected, mended, lead, corrected and even carried me through some of the toughest terrain I have ever gone through.

I am tempted to run back to the safety of the wilderness I have come to rely on, Yet I know if I do it is here that I will die. Never entering into the fullness of what God has for me.

I look ahead and see before me the promise... The fullness of life... the life God has called me too and my heart at first glance is in awe.

I know from past experience that in this imperfect world that even in the midst of living in the promise there are still battles to be fought, lessons to be learned, and healing to be done....

and with that brings pain, struggle and heartbreak.

I also know that it is worth it all!

God says he has given me what lies ahead. He will fight for me, and Victory is mine!

Marching orders are being drawn up... the choice is mine to either follow or not.

Will I run and hide in the safety of the past or will I live in the shelter of His Wings.

It is here that my choice is made... I will gather up my skirt and run full speedtoward the promised land!!!

From deep within the battle cry is calling

Let God ARISE!!!!

Let His enemies be scattered!

The reward to the conquerors!

2011-07-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

Revelations 1-3

Ch 2

I’m about to call each conqueror to dinner, I’m spreading a banquet of Tree-of-Life fruit, a supper plucked from God’s orchard.

Listen… Listen to the wind words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. Christ-Conquerors are safe from Devil-death.

Listen…Listen to the wind words, the Spirit blowing through the churches. I’ll give the sacred manna to every conqueror; I’ll also give a clear, smooth stone inscribed with your new name, your secret new name.

Here’s the reward I have for every conqueror; everyone who keeps at it refusing to give up; you’ll rule the nations, your shepherd-king rule as firm as an iron staff, their resistance fragile as clay pots. This is the gift my father gave me: I [ass it along to you- and with it the Morning Star!

Ch 3

Conquerors will march in the victory parade, their names indelible in the Book of Life. I’ll lead them up and present them by name to my father and his angels.

Because you kept my word in passionate patience, I’ll keep you safe in the time of testing that will be here soon, and all over the earth, every man, woman and child put to the test.
I’m on my way. I’ll be here soon, Keep a tight grip on what you have so no one distracts you and steals your crown.
I’ll make each conqueror a pillar in the sanctuary of my God, a permanent position of honor. Then I’ll write names on you, the pillars: the name of my God, the name of God’s city- the new Jerusalem coming down out of Heaven- and my new name.

Conquerors will sit alongside me at the head table, just as I, having conquered, took the place of honor at the side of my Father.
THAT’S MY GIFT TO THE CONQUERORS!

Soothing Psalms:
Psalms 57:2
I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.

When the dark times in my life come, and the question again arises in my heart…”Is it worth it?” This is the answer!

I know there are SO many areas in my life that I stumble and fall. Areas where I am willfully disobedient and areas that I just can’t seem to get it together.

I also know that I am, on my own, just like the churches described in these chapters.

But, I’m not on my own anymore… I have a God who lifts me each time I fall, lovingly corrects my disobedience and has a special way of putting the pieces of my life together when it seems impossible.

Still he calls me conqueror and has these gifts waiting for me.

What an awesome God I have!

Until they all come home.

2011-03-29T10:15:00.000-07:00

Today my heart is on fire. I am armed and ready to fight. For too long I have stood by as a helpless victim as the enemy ravaged those around me.

I have seen how my enemy has set out to destroy all that is good and right. How he has taken those closest to my heart and wounded them to what seems to be the point of no return at times. I have seen friends families go through the same.

NO LONGER.
The Book of Jude tells me to not give up. Tells me to love those that have fallen away and to continue on…. “ Relax, everything’s going to be alright; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way.”

“But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God’s love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. This is the unending life. The real life! Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith Go after those who take the wrong way. Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin. The sin itself stinks to high heaven.

I am committing myself to go after those who take the wrong way. Those who have been touched by the hand of God at some point in their life, but have since been lied to and destroyed by those closest to them and in turn walked away.

I believe it is time to call out and in Christ call forth who they were created and crafted to be.

I will stand for them. I will in prayer fight for them. I will love them. I will believe in who they ARE instead of who they show themselves as. I will believe the fight is very much worth the effort and will use every ounce in me to prove it until they all come home.

If you would like to join me in my fight. Let me know. There are some that I am already fighting for, there are others who I would love to join.

Richiesbaby@gmail.com

In Christ’s love.

Tammy

LIFE instructions

2011-03-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

Simply put by James in chapter 3
there really isn’t anything I have to do except live by this. Remember what it says and then go do it!

- Faith and works go hand in glove. Anything else is a corpse

- James 3:16-18
“Live well, live wisely, live humbly. It’s the way you live, not the way you talk, that counts….
Whenever you’re trying to look better than others or get the better of others, things fall apart and everyone ends up at the others’ throats. Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results ONLY if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. “

True life lived out as the reflection of true love. Let it be engraved on the lining of my heart and resound for all to experience.

Painful Perspective

2011-03-10T10:39:00.000-08:00

Today is a very hard day. Emotions and the truth of them and the past are coming to the surface and we feel very alone.

We feel very alone and without a place. We can’t go back for the past no longer satisfies us, but we can’t find a way to go on either. It is as if we are a puzzle piece looking for a place to fit, but no matter how hard we try, we cant find the place we belong. Other pieces have come into our lives and we desperately try to make them connect with us… (even to the point of misshaping ourselves to form to them), but as time continues on we find ourselves alone and searching once again.

I keep getting a picture of a room full of people (elbow to elbow really) all with eyes tightly shut buying into the lure of the lie being told to their heart that they are alone. That they have blown it and can never come back… after all anyone who said that they loved you and cared have walked away because your failure was too big. On the occasion that an eye did chance to open, there was the realization that “No they were NOT alone” They were in a room surrounded by people… unfortunately they took comfort in that and did nothing else. Why is it that they never told the others surrounding them that the whisper was a lie? Why is it that they were content knowing that they were surrounded by others, never reaching out and touching any of them?

I don’t know where God is leading, I can’t begin to see what he has in mind for me? When I look back I see the reality of pain that has trailed my life. At times I am still the same lost teenage girl longing to have a friend. Faced with the reality that those who have said they loved me and my family have found someone else to love. I don’t understand this? Why is it when I vowed in their pain and choices to always be there when they called my determination is the same, but because I have chosen to follow where I believe God to lead me the same vow has been abandoned in return? It hurts, it is staggering and leaves me numb and without breath.

I know God is for me, I know that these are just emotions and they will pass. I know that God has great plans for me and my family. I know he is continually walking beside me and my family and we are walking where he is leading… I just wish, others would see the same.

Oh Lord, let our hearts be deaf to the lure of the lie and in tune to the truth being whispered. And give us courage to continue to touch others and tell them they too are not alone.

Faith = Rest

2011-03-01T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 4:1-3 (The Message)

For as long, then, as that promise of resting in him pulls us on to God’s goal for us, we need to be careful that we’re not disqualified. We received the same promises as those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn’t do them a bit of good because they didn’t receive the promises with faith. If we believe, though, we’ll experience that state of resting. But not if we don’t have faith.

Amazing that we can believe in God, believe that He exists, that He is got good plans for us, and all, but if we do not have faith… true faith that He is for our good… that he longs to walk minute by minute with us,…that he is our life’s meaning, we will not receive the rest that we are seeking.

How many times I have found myself longing for rest from the craziness of my life. I have questioned God and to be honest at times wondered if he really was faithful. I thought I had all my “duties” as a Christian taken care of, all of my plans “blessed by God.” after all they were good ideas…. But still the restlessness and the failure came.

Could it be that although I had the best intentions, I did not have faith in God. It was my works, my plans, my decisions that I believed and trusted in and asked God to bless?
Boy did I miss the boat!

Hebrews 4 goes on to say that God keeps moving the appointment he has set with us to TODAY. “Today please turn, Today listen to me.” He longs to have relationship with me. He longs to take me to a place of safety, of rest, and of adventure in HIM. It can only happen as I have faith in Him and trust in our relationship together. If I try to do it on my own, even if I ask him to slap a blessing on it, I will not find what I am looking for.

The chapter ends with this: (Hebrews 4: 14-16) “ Now that we know what we have-Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God- let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch wit our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all- all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

A New plan

2011-01-03T08:06:00.000-08:00

10 This new plan I’m making with Israel
isn’t going to be written on paper,
isn’t going to be chiseled in stone;
This time I’m writing out the plan in them,
carving it on the lining of their hearts.
I’ll be their God,
they’ll be my people.
11 They won’t go to school to learn about me,
or buy a book called God in Five Easy Lessons.
They’ll all get to know me firsthand,
the little and the big, the small and the great.
12 They’ll get to know me by being kindly forgiven,
with the slate of their sins forever wiped clean.
13 By coming up with a new plan, a new covenant between God and his people, God put the old plan on the shelf. And there it stays, gathering dust.

With the changing of the year, this scripture is timely for me. Out with the old, and the looking toward the new.
As with previous years, at the changing of the old and new, God will speak to my heart as to what the topic of the year will be for me. What direction He and I will be walking together so that I can find all the blessings he has hidden for me in my personal adventure. This year is no different. This year as I look ahead and listen to the voice of the the one who guides my life, one direction is ringing loud and clear.... He desires truth in my inward parts.
Although I am not a dishonest person by any means, I know that there are things inside that need to be released. My God desires not only a life of truth to be lived by me, but a truth that runs to my very core.
I know that I am a people pleaser by nature... I am a fixer, a worrier, and I must admit a bit of a self inflicted, self driven martyr. These are the things that I must bring light and truth to.

I must release the old... the old way of doing things.
The way I react, the way I view things just because that is what was handed down to me and I myself have taken on.
I must instead turn to what has been written on my heart.
The personal love letter written to me by my personal God.
Letting go of the old and do just as God did
set it up on a shelf to gather dust.

Not only Love, love well

2010-09-26T08:10:00.001-07:00

Philippians 1:9-10
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings10 so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of:

Learning how to not just love much, but love well is the part that sticks out in my heart this morning. It is so very easy to just lay on thick the love that is as it is put in this verse the sentimental gush. but this type of love will not touch anyone. It is a phony love that does nothing but serve myself. People were created to crave the deep personal love. The love that is committed, tenacious, and long-suffering. We... I need to go past my feelings, my comfort zone, my rescue for the sake of rescue reaction and show others the deep love they are created for. When others see this type of love, they begin to get a glimpse of the love of a father that would send his son to give his life just because we needed him.

This is loving well. This is living well. This is the great commission that I am called to.

What Changed?

2010-05-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

I think if there was one person identified with most in the bible, it would have to be Peter. He and I could be twins! … ok in thinking anyway. Peter like myself seemed to have great plans. He had zeal like no other! Until it left the brain and moved into action, and that was where things seemed to fall apart.

He was the first to jump out of the boat and walk on water…. For about 10 seconds and reality set in! He was the one praised for proclaiming boldly who Jesus was…. And then turn around and be corrected for his wrong thinking in the next breath. And it was Peter who proclaimed that he would never leave Jesus and jumped at the chance to protect his master and friend, cutting off a guard’s ear in the process, hours later only to deny ever knowing him not once, not twice but three times!

How devastated Peter must have been when the rooster crowed and he found himself eyeball deep in the reality of his failures. His master and friend, the one he declared his life to, the one he shared life with, the one he thought he would usher in the new kingdom with, the long awaited messiah being tried and beaten before his very eyes and he walked away!

Life must have been breathtakingly hard at that point. All that you have known stripped from you.. all that you had ever hoped, all that you had ever dreamed, crumbled like sand between your fingers. So Peter did what I would most definitely do, went back to the only thing that He knew to do, He went fishing.

The next that we ever hear of Peter is when Jesus find him after a long frustratingly empty night fishing, He has been resurrected and tells his friends to cast their nets on the other side of the boat. And they bring up a huge catch! It is then that Peter recognizes his friend!

Jesus later comes to Peter and they go for a walk alone on the beach…. Peter is a changed man… He no longer has the cocky conquer the world at any cost attitude. He is humble, and broken, very aware of his limitations…. What changed in Peter in the days between his denial and Jesus’ resurrection meeting with him?

If I would guess it would be Peter had probably been the kinda guy that we all want to be. Self assured, liked by most, had the world by the tail…. Until he came to the end of himself… until he was shown who he really was and life came crashing in on him.

This is were Jesus met him! Humbled and broken Jesus, the one he betrayed and walked away from, walked up to him. Peter for the very first time in his life truly understood forgiveness.

It was this forgiveness that brought Peter to honestly tell Jesus that although his heart longed to love him unconditionally, in reality only loved him as a good friend… and it was here that Jesus put his hand out and took that friendship and taught Peter how to unconditionally love.

Why is it that we choose misery and bitterness over doing what is right and what our heart longs for? It is such a natural reaction! We have been wronged! We have a right to be hurt! It wasn’t fair! In our zeal we declare we will right the injustice done and never let it happen to another person the way it has happened to us! All well and good, but in the end we find ourselves the same place Peter found himself, breathtakingly lost in the reality of our failure. And we go back to what we know.

It is only through forgiveness, through the letting go of all that we thought was right and true, letting go of what should have been and allow Jesus to teach us unconditional love that we can embrace who we were really created to be.

My Life as a Story?!

2010-01-08T08:49:00.000-08:00

I am an avid reader… oh not so much the dry dull learning stuff, but give me an adventure, a romance or mystery and I can be entertained for hours.

I have heard through out my life the phrase “The Greatest Story Ever Told” in relation to Jesus, His life, Death and what it means to the human race…. What it means to me. Like any story though it tends to have a beginning, middle and end in my mind. Yet when thought through, this end is not where I would first think.

It is kind of like a cliff hanger in my mind. You know you are reading through an exciting book and find yourself at the last few pages, yet you know that there is still so much more to happen.
It is then that you realize that much to your dismay you will have to wait till the next book is released to find out what happens. Why is it that I have never thought of my life in the same way?

If I were to look at my life as part of a best seller in the making, I wonder how it would change my perspective on things?

The reality is I AM part of “The Greatest Story Ever Told” my name is written in the Lambs book of life, not among a list of names to be checked off, but, I get to be one of the key characters in the book being written by the greatest author of all times.

Here Lies Hope

2009-07-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

There is a question that stirs my heart. The question asked in Wild Goose Chase…. “What is it that makes you cry, that makes you pound your fist on the table? “

There are many things in my life that I think would be nice to do. There are certain things that scare the crap out of me just to think about doing …. but there is only one thing that does both.
I can look at this thing and because of the fear that is there, I can just as easily talk myself out of it. I can look at my inability, my past failures, my knees knocking so loud that it is drowns out all other noise and walk away wondering what could or should have been.

And I have. I have erected a headstone in my mind that says something like “Here Lies Hope” and the dates of when it was alive and well in my heart. I close the door and reconcile in my heart that yet again somewhere I missed the mark and failed. I didn’t follow close enough. I didn’t run hard enough, I didn’t do this or didn’t do that. And I walk away.

John 11 tells of a time when hope was again buried. A friend of Jesus was sick and died. Lazarus’ sisters were devastated. Plans had not gone as they had assumed they would . Mary, one of the sisters of Lazarus had been the one that poured all that she had out at the feet of Jesus. A message had been sent to Jesus, a cry for help. Her brother was sick, but if anyone could heal him it was Jesus. She had faith. She had seen what he could do. Yet, He didn’t come and her beloved brother died. How she must have ached at the devastation of it all. I can relate to this type of pain. I know what it is to pour out all that I have and then have something tragic in my life happen. I stand in the face of the storm that pours and proclaim “MY GOD WILL NOT FAIL!” and then nothing happens. Circumstances go from bad to my worst fears becoming my reality. And I wonder, where did I go wrong? Hope is buried.

John 11:33-37 says “When Jesus saw (Mary) weeping, and all the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Where have you laid him? Jesus asked, Come and see Lord, they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, See how he loved him! But some of them said, Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man from dying?” Here lies Hope! And yet this is not the end…

Mary like myself saw things in a certain way… we think if God only would do this, (it seems holy enough) then His name would be glorified in my life! But God had something else planned.
Yes, Jesus wept, he felt the devastation of hopes burial in the life of his friends. Suddenly, the command is given, roll away the stone. Just when I think that Hope is gone, I am willing to walk away and close the door I catch small glimpses of something out of the corner of my eye.

I am learning two things these days, God is leading me from the inside out. Not the other way around, and two sometimes what I think is the death of Hope in reality is the death of what I thought should happen and the resurrection of what truly should be.

Quit looking at your feet when you run!

2009-07-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

I have began reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. Although it has been around the house for I believe at least a year, this is the first that I have read past the back cover.

I have touted that God continues to ask, “Do you want to be safe, or do you want to live?” and although my hearts cry is to Live, my life actions have for far too long reacted as safe.

Oh there have been moments when I feel that I stand at the proverbial cliff and take a step, but I continually find myself scurrying back to safety at the first breeze that rocks the bridge that had suddenly appeared.

The first couple of chapters of the book Wild Goose Chase speak of a life of adventure, a life of following the Spirit of God instead of having the Spirit follow me. A quote and I suspect the reason for picking up the book in the first place, that seems to hit home is the following: “Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time, And I know that is unsettling, but circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name….. ADVENTURE.

Why does this stir so much in me? Pain of past failures, uncertain futures and the fruitlessness of it all yet here again the thought of living life in abandonment to the Spirit awakens so much inside at each glance in that direction. I don’t want to live life in the cage of fear or failure.

And when brought to the Father as to why I keep getting disappointed in my efforts this is the response…. “Quit looking at your feet when you run.” Sounds bizzar I know, but I also know what He means. You see one of the mistakes I continue to make as a new runner is I concentrate on two things, both of which are wrong…. 1. I put way too much effort in beating my time instead of enjoying the run for the sake of running. And 2. I look down at my feet when I run instead of what is ahead. As long as I look at my feet and worry about what is directly in front of me, I loose focus on where I am going. My run becomes boring very quickly and I tire and just endure the task, but if I raise my eyes to what is ahead and continue on toward my goal, there is so much to take in along the way that the run is enjoyable. I learn to know what is up ahead and manuver around the obstacles instead of reacting as they pop up almost too late in my path.

So the eyes of my heart are once again lifted to the run that is ahead. I don’t want to be an inverted Christian exsisting day to day. I want to live dangerous. I don’t want to live to arrive at death safely. I hear the rusty cage door open, it is up to me to come out….. “let’s get daangerwous!”

You have no idea what I will show you!

2009-04-12T10:03:00.000-07:00

For the first time last fall I planted tulips in the barrels next to my driveway. Each one was gently buried in the ground with care to make sure that they were properly planted so that this spring I would be able to enjoy their beauty. As fall turned to winter and the rains came, I would glance at the hidden treasure that I had waiting, smile knowing that after the rain there would be beauty where there was now barren muddy ground. Spring finally arrived and much to my delight, my tulips were breaking ground and bursting with color just like I had anticipated. They were beautiful! I would find reasons to walk outside just so that I could enjoy their beauty and make my heart smile. Then tragedy struck, I walked outside earlier this week and found my beautiful flowers ravaged by a passing family of deer. I was devastated.

Life has been very difficult these past few weeks to say the least. We are full of uncertainty, change, and shaky ground. What happened to the tulips was a type of what I was feeling happening over and over in my life. Hard work and beauty stolen and ravaged beyond recognition. I hurt!

“ Philip found Nathanael and told him, we have found the one Moses wrote about in the Law, and about whom the prophets also wrote- Jesus of Nazareth. The son of Joseph. Nazareth! Can anything good come from there? Nathanael asked. Come and see, said Philip. When Jesus saw Nathanael approaching, he said to him, here is a true Israelite. In whom there is nothing false. How do you know me! Nathanael asked. Jesus answered I saw you while you were still under the fig tree before Philip called you. Then Nathanael declared, Rabbi you are the son of God, you are the King of Israel
Jesus said, You believe because I told you I saw you under the fig tree. You shall see greater things than that!

While reading the above passage I began to wonder where Nathanael was at in his life. What was it that made him react as he did just by Jesus seeing him before Philip? Then I heard these same words spoken by Jesus to me…. Tammy I see you under the tree. I am not sure if Nathanael was in the same place as I am, but my heart reacted just as his did… I began to understand that Jesus was telling me He sees me where I am. And that brings comfort to my heart. But Jesus being the God that he is to me doesn’t leave it there…. He says to me You have no idea what I will show you! I think that my life is at a loss that I have come to the end of my walk and of my effectiveness’. That I have been thrown away, but God says you have no idea!

Then yesterday after a wonderful day riding with some new friends, I come home feeling content. It is then that I find out today’s plans are not going to go as planned… Once again I feel life is being stolen. I am instantly hurt and wounded! I am sick of being the victim and yet I don’t know how to react any other way. I am lost and overwhelmed. I close my eyes and sleep a restless night.

In the quiet of this morning I awaken. The house is still… my favorite time of the day. I grab my coffee and walk out on my deck. Determined to face the day with a new resolve. NO MORE VICTIM! I come before God and ask.” Lord, how do I do this and not lose who I am in the process? How do I be strong and yet not overpowering and hard?” The answer is simple. Look to me, God says for your definition, and your strength will come…. In my weakness He is made strong. God then says, I am not finished with you yet, you are so fearful of what may happen… I say Let not your heart be troubled, believe in me…. He then goes on to give me this…

Isaiah 49: 1-6
Listen to me, you island: hear this, you distant nations; Before I was born the Lord called me, from my birth he has made mention of my name. He made my mouth like a sharpened sword. In the shadow of his hand he hid me; he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver. He said to me You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendor. But I said, I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the Lord’s hand and my reward is with my God. And now the Lord says- he who formed me in the womb to be his servant to bring Jacob back to him and gather Israel to himself, for I am honored in the eyes of the Lord and my God has been my strength- He says: It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.

He then explained: What I have interpreted as being overlooked and passed by has really been Him concealing me in his quiver until just the right time.

I don’t know when that time is, but I do know that where once was devastation, hope is brewing.. I am beginning to see things a bit differently now… I am anxiously waiting as God again whispers, “You have no idea what I will show you!”

What is love worth?

2009-02-21T09:02:00.000-08:00

A very sad thing has happened this week. My son called to tell us that his wife cheated on him.
I was outraged to say the least. How could she?! I knew that they were having problems, my son and I talked several times about things. I was hoping and praying that it was going to all work out, that it was a time of adjustment and like all new marriages they would become stronger through the struggle…. But it didn’t. She chose a cheap and easy lie. WHAT SHE DID WAS WRONG!

I began to wonder. What is it that makes a person choose to hurt the one that they have proclaimed to love? The thought of doing this to my husband is so inconceivable to me. I love this man with every breath I take and the thought of throwing it away for anything is beyond my comprehension.

Then comes the all too familiar whisper to my heart… What about our love? My quick response is none different than that of Peter’s when he learned that He would betray Jesus. Not me Lord! I would die first! (Tammy paraphrased) But the truth is I do it every day…
I choose a minute of self gratification… of selfishness… of momentary plastic thrill over true love.

In my devotion time today, God continues to urge me to “be holy as He is holy” This isn’t some nose in the air type of false holiness. But I am learning today that it is more of a yearning from him than a command. Could he be saying The only way we can be together is if you make the daily choices to be close to me. To let go of the self gratification that is false and fleeting and choose to love me enough to work through our relationship instead of around it?

I am learning that we have to choose for ourselves what Love is worth. Will we endure and fight to make it work as my son tried so desperately to do? Will we lay down what it is that we want to bring about what is right for the relationship? ….Or will we sell it all for 20 minutes of cheap self gratification? The choice is our alone to make.

Follow me? Measuring stick.

2009-02-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

I wonder today why it is that the human condition is to measure and compare ourselves with others. We as young girls know what it is to look in the mirror and wonder if it is enough... do we measure up? As adults we tend to transfer this to others.... do our children measure up... do our friends, family, coworkers, or anyone around us?

The question is measure up to what? Who is it that we are trying to conform ourselves to? If we are all chasing our tails in this quest where does that really leave us... other than really dizzy? Why is it that we so desperately try to conform those around us to be like us? For our own comfort? So that we have some standard to compare?

We are taught in our study of the bible that Paul says "Follow me as I follow Christ," yet we use this to try to change any new comer to "fit in."

This is one of those questions that seem to plague my thoughts from time to time. Something that God puts into my heart to ponder and chew on to change my thinking.

I have ran across a scripture out of the message bible...(I love how this bible reads btw... more of a heart song than old text to try and forge through)

Psalms 18:16-24
But me he caught- reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but GOD stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved- surprised to be loved! God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

Shouldn't this be the measuring stick that we use for those who God puts in our lives?
While I was drowning God saw value in me and reached for me.... When I was down and being kicked and hit God stuck by me.
God rewrote the text of my life... he gave me a fresh start....

There is value in those around me...not a need (or desire for that matter) for me to make others like me... Lord, help me to see people for who YOU have created them to be instead of what I feel comfortable to see them as.

Learning the Battle plan

2009-01-26T19:18:00.000-08:00

Lord;
I am learning so much from you... Things that although they are simple (sometimes duh moments) they are sweet.

Things like how to battle my enemy. The importance of speaking out loud because he can’t read my mind. (like I said duh moments) It doesn’t have to be loud and full of drama, just stepping into the authority that you have given me and stating it!

Or Praying a blessing over my children... I sometimes think now that they are grown that they are out of my control, but as their Mother, I have been given the opportunity to pray blessing into their lives at any age!

Then comes today when you speak to me about a couple of things... Like being my provider ... you give me the story of Moses and how you brought back the baby to his mother when she thought he was gone forever. Or like David in the Psalms where he writes that you have blessed him and will never abandon him..... You also talked to me about making agreements with the whispers of my enemy. You have helped me to realize that just because things don’t go as I have planned that doesn’t mean that I have failed in some way. It has nothing to do with me measuring up. Condemnation is from my enemy and I need to break that agreement.

When this is done, I will then be free to hear the answer to my question... Who do you say that I am?

My heart is open Lord, I am listening....

Understanding who I was

2009-01-17T09:23:00.000-08:00

Today during my God time I received a bit of insight as to what makes me who I was… Why I need to control. As I child I found that in order to bring control to my world, I was the one who needed to be the peace maker. Being the oldest girl the task fell to me to keep things running while mom was away. Unfortunately my other siblings didn’t always make it easy when I was in charge. I remember the frustration of just trying to get them to do what I wanted and feeling so inadequate when they refused to comply, I remember the dread of being in trouble when the parents did get home if things were not done as ordered, and the overwhelming feelings of the burden of keeping order even if it meant doing it myself just to keep the peace. I remember how lost I felt, how I wanted so much to get away from it all…. This has carried on into my adult world. I find myself constantly trying to fix any situation that I feel may be out of control or that brings discomfort just to keep the peace.

I have short changed you in the process God. I have fought you so that things look okay on the outside and never took into account that the chaos was a gift from you to bring healing and holiness within.

Lord, I also read that you changed Jacob’s name. You changed him from who he was to who you called him to be. Lord by what name do you call me? I see who I was, but I was wondering, who am I to you?

Yet, isn’t that the same question that you are asking me? Who do you say that I am? And in all honesty I would love to call you Lord and Master of my life. I would love to say that you have full control but I know that that would be a lie. I tend to fight you at every step no matter what my heart longs for. So instead I call you friend. You are one who walks with me and sees in me what I don’t dare see in myself. You are the one who dares me to let go of what brings me comfort so that you can unleash in me what brings me freedom.

Trust

2009-01-11T11:26:00.000-08:00

Trust
Lord, this is what I would like 2009 to be defined by. When I look back I want to be able to say that it is the year that I began to actually trust you.

It amazes me that although I have walked with you for over 28 years now, I still fight you for control of my life. Why it is exactly that I struggle so hard to try to grab hold of something that is such a facade anyway is beyond me. Why do I get so frustrated when the slightest thing does not go exactly as planned? I battle so feverishly to match the longing in my heart with the reality of my life, yet it is only when I am not in control that the longing is realized.

When did I stop trusting those around me? When did my thinking change from allowing God to work in those around me to Mama knows best? I really don’t know the answer, but I know that things have to change. I have to open the clenched fist that has so carefully scooped all that surrounds me, good intentioned as it may be and let go. Not just of those I love, but of myself as well.

If I truly long to fly, I have to be willing to stand at the cliff of reality and wait for you to tell me to step instead of standing at a painting of life and try to jump in.

So Lord, today I stand before you, take a deep breath and let go. It is your choice if you wish to catch me or to let me fall. I no longer want to be in control. I want to trust!

Thoughts from Samuel- Hannah's hunger.

2008-12-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

In my recent conversations with family, it has been suggested that I study Samuel to discover some of the truths that it may have to offer... Being the always obedient one that I am (she says tongue in cheek) this is what I have discovered so far.

1 Samuel 1:1-20 Hannah wanted! Hannah longed! Hannah was ridiculed! and Hannah was pacified by her husband.... but it wasn't until Hannah was in anguish and ready to sacrifice that God honored her prayer.

How many times do I find myself in that same situation....all too many to count. There are so many times that I have wanted, have longed even, for some situation in my life... all for very good reason I might add...

Unfortunately there are very few that I have refused to be pacified and instead moved to anguish and sacrifice. Not in some masochist kind of way... in the traditional sense anyway.

Looking back it has only been the times that are the hardest, when the anguish and sacrifice in my life is all that I can give to God that God in turn brings the greatest blessing.

If I am to fly as I long to do, to touch as I long to touch, to love even as I long to love then I must stop looking for the quick fix of someone pacifying me and move to the sacrificial life that God has called me to live. At times there will be anguish and so much pain that it seems to leave me gasping for breath, but I can be sure God will hear me and honor my prayer... and my life in a way that I could only imagine.... If I want it bad enough.

To begin again

2008-12-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

After over a year of silence, I begin again. Not with fresh wisdom or new found resolution, but because I need to! I awoke in the middle of the night last night with a longing to find you again. A longing to share, to search, to walk down this path filled most days with so much fog I can do nothing except what is directly in front of me.

Since my last post there have been many events unfolding... some that have caused me to question, some that has caused me to seek and some that has caused me to walk away. I will not at this time go into the details, but will instead leave it with, I am not the person I once was.

The quest of the past year has been painful, but necessary to say the least. I have found out many things about myself.... For example I not only have lost more than 50 lbs, but have run 3 5k's... I am physically stronger and healthier than I have been in quite some time. I am also lacking in so much more than I have in quite some time.

So it is full circle that I come... seeking, walking, and exploring whatever is ahead.... Where it will take me, I have no idea, but I have no choice but to place one foot in front of the other and walk on.

What Now?

2007-09-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

Life has been difficult lately. I am in the process of change, and I hate it! To tell the truth, I go kicking & screaming. I would much rather have things nice and predictable.

I am moving from the role of "mother raising kids" to "mother watching kids fly"

Don't get me wrong my kids are wonderful, I am very proud of them and I love to see them grow... I just wonder... What Now? How will things change from here? Will I really be able to meet the challange that is ahead?

I ran across a friend"s blog today, and thought I would share it. It speaks volumes to my heart.

A PRAYER FROM MY JOURNAL... FOR ME AND FOR US.Lord, So much of this life is lived in between; between the now and the not yet, between arriving and departing, between growing up and growing old, between questions and answers. Lord, help me... help us not to live for the distant day when the in-between will be no more, but help us have the courage to step into that sacred space of the in between --- knowing that this is a place where life is transformed.Psalm 46 is a good one! Well all the Psalms are good. They are songs that come from the heart. This Psalm talks about a tool that God uses to shape busy people like you and I: God speaks in a still small voice - He challenges us to turn down the roar of our lives in order to recognize His voice."Be Still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord Almighty is with us." Being still is not doing nothing. Being still is about quieting ourselves and letting the character of God be where we place our trust. People who are willing to "be still" are better able to hear His "still small voice." Are you slowing down each day enough to hear his voice.---Terry

Pray for me would ya? It is dark in here right now, and the roar is deafening.

I'll keep you posted.

Freshness!

2007-08-09T09:00:00.001-07:00

I just can't help it!!! With the newness of life fresh in the air, I can't help but feel alive and full of hope.
A friend of mine just gave birth to her second child... A beautiful baby boy! As I see the pics of him I am filled with awe! New life does this to me... I think there is nothing sweeter than a life just freshly kissed by the lips of God and sent here to impact His world!
It is easy for me during these times to contemplate my own life, revel in the gifts of life God has surrounded me with, and march on with new purpose, fresh focus, and a wonderful destiny waiting to be revealed!

Be~Atitudes: Learning God's heart

2007-07-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

Be~Atitudes
Learning God’s heart

True happiness comes when I find myself at the end of all my resources
And still fall short;
It is there that I turn to God and find all that he has for me.

True happiness comes when I grieve and mourn in my life;
That is where I find the complete comfort of the arms of God
around me.

True happiness comes when I choose to humble myself;
It is then that those around me are ready to listen.

True happiness comes when I choose to look at the things in my life that fall short of God’s word and I choose to change in spite of the pain of growth;
It is there that I am satisfied and at peace with myself and my world.

True happiness comes when I choose to show compassion to those around me instead of revenge;
It is there that I am given the compassion I desperately desire from God.

True happiness comes when I love without any hidden agenda;
It is then that I understand how God loves me.

True happiness comes when I choose to bring peace to an uncomfortable situation, setting aside my wants;
It is then that others will see my life as a follower of God.

True happiness comes when those around me cause me pain for no other reason than because I choose to live and follow God’s plan for me;
It is there that I see God’s protection and know that I am not alone.

I am the salt! It is by my life that those around me thirst for God. If I choose to not stay in fresh communion with God, I lose my flavor and have nothing to offer.

I am the light of the world! Without the current of the Holy Spirit flowing through my life, I am no more effective than a package of light bulbs sitting in a dark room.

Revolution

2007-07-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

Revolution!
July 13, 2007

Something has been changing in me for quite some time. I have had a lingering question in my heart that I have tried to deal with in many different ways. I have cast it out, I have sought counsel, I have searched scripture and examined my heart to see why the question was even there in the first place.
The question: “What does it mean by do not forsake the assembling together?”
I have wondered does it mean the old stand by response? Go to church! Or is there a deeper meaning? Am I running because I don’t seem to fit or is there a deeper reason? Why is it that when I do go to church my heart longs for so much more?
My heart longs to touch the face of God… I long to live my life as a reflection of his love for me and for those around me… I long for my outward life to reflect what my heart screams!
Then I received a copy of the book by George Barna; Revolution and as I have begun to read the first couple of chapters, my heart leapt for joy!
The Revolutionary mind-set is simple: Do whatever it takes to get closer to God and to help others to do the same. Obliterate any obstacles that prevents you from honoring God with every breath you take. Be such an outstanding example of the Christian faith that no one will question your heart or lifestyle- except those who see institutional survival as equally or more important than the alleged influence of the institution they defend.
Or, put more succinctly, the Revolution is about recognizing that we are not called to go to church.
We are called to be the Church.
What a liberation this is! What freedom! What responsibility!
So it is here that I begin to live this revolutionary journey!
Do whatever it takes to get closer to God!
I will do this by studying the Bible every day. I feel at this point to study the New Testament life of Jesus and the early church, not as just a bible reading, but to extract what life relevant jewels I can adapt into my life.
I will also return to daily worship of God. Through continual conversation and deliberate heart changing celebration of the grace and blessings he continually lavishes on me. Making a concerted effort to surround myself with tools that will assist me in this.
I will daily search for ways that my life can reflect the love God has for me and find creative fresh ways to relay it to those around me.
I realize that I cannot accomplish this on my own. And that to even to begin to attempt this will result in me being at the same place I am now… dry, thirsty, worn-out, frustrated and disillusioned. I need to actively seek help from the Holy Spirit and those around me. I must be open to constructive criticism, not be crushed by it. I must understand that constructive criticism is meant to cut out the dead parts of my heart so that life can again replace it.
I must continually grow in the knowledge that I am most content and fulfilled when I am growing and touching others in some way. To hide myself only brings death to my spirit.
I want to grow, I want to live, I want more….. I strive to experience ALL that I am created for. Letting go of what is behind so that I can press on toward the mark of the high calling in My Christ Jesus!

Welcome!

2007-07-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my spot! Here is just a place to share... most times it will be what I am currently journaling, while others with be a question that I need to get past bouncing around my head..

Either way you are more than welcome to comment, question, suggest or stir anything that causes you to be inspired.

My life is Rich, and it is a joy to share my heart with you and an honor to touch a life in the process.

So again Welcome!