Hope Springs Anew

As I woke up this morning I chose a different path from my usual routine. Instead of grabbing a cup of coffee and my laptop to do the usual perusing on my favorite sites, I chose to take my coffee outside and just sit and enjoy my surroundings. I saw the beauty of spring around me and decided to just savor the moment.

As I was sitting there my eyes scanned to a basket that was hanging on my deck and I had to smile... A few weeks ago, there was nothing but death hanging. I had been meaning to clean out the dry barrenness, but never really got around to that project.

Then Spring came! Out of the barrenness began to sprout life. I was amazed to find green leaves beginning to appear!

As I was pondering the moment, I heard the whisper of my Lord speaking to my heart....

Don't mistake barrenness for what is just Winter. I have not called your family to barrenness! This beloved is just Winter.

How many times have I struggled and wondered if this was all there was? How many times have I cried tears for what should have been? How long have I wondered if I had done something wrong and this was my punishment? How long have I felt I should just be content with where I am, that my time has passed?

I had resigned myself to all of this and yet the whisper came...

This is just Winter

Winter is only a season! Winter I can handle! Hoping for Spring, yet allowing the lessons of Winter to be learned in the process.

Winter... Where roots go deep...Where strength is developed... Where growth is unseen yet so necessary

Lord;

Thank you for walking with me in the Winter... for seeing beyond what I have declared as barren and knowing that it was just Winter. Thank you that you have so much more for me and my family than I can ever imagine.

Remind me that Winter does come, yet I can take comfort in knowing that it is just a season, and in the midst there are lessons to learn, that you have walked before me and will be with me in the process. Taking my hand and warming my heart in the midst of the cold.... Reminding me that Spring is on it's way!

Season of Change

This last week the weather has been amazing! We are transitioning from a very cold winter (aren't they all?) and beginning to see the first signs of spring. I love this time. Watching new life struggle to push it's way out of the dark damp hibernation of winters fury to show it's beauty to those who are looking and smile and say "I am here!"

It's majestic...

And it is here, with all this beauty struggling to the surface that I am finding myself today.

Change is usually...almost always...ok ALWAYS! a difficult time for me. I love to surround myself with the surety of the familiar and the comfort of routine. If that gets bumped, stirred or otherwise jostled I am a wreck. And so explains my walk of faith.

Yet change does continue to knock on my door. My beautiful, amazing daughter is planning her wedding where she will take on the joys of sharing a life with the one she loves... Officially letting go of being our little girl. (although she will always hold that status in our hearts, it is different now)....My mom is getting older and is ailing. As I cherish this time with her, I struggle with the uncertainty of where this illness is taking her and what my role needs to be in the process.

Letting go... Listening to the whisper... watching for the signs of the changing of the seasons where life and beauty in my walk will emerge from winter's fury and I can feel the warming of Spring.

It is coming, I don't know when, but it is indeed coming!

Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning!

Oh the places we will go.

Oh the places we will go... sounds like a line from a Dr. Seuss book, and it very well may be.

I am encouraged, yet afraid as I walk this journey I am on. So much revealed, so much uncovered, so much learned, yet so much more to go.

I knew when God whispered the words for this year "Learning to live intentionally" into my heart that it would take me places that I would be uncomfortable with... Little did I know that it would start so soon and be so personal! ( I should have known better! :) )

For the past couple of days the feeling of just being lost. My sweet love of my life has taken on a project of redoing a small fishing boat and so has been absent from our day to day living of life. I spent the time wandering aimlessly through the house, taking care of things that needed to be done but in my heart lost and empty.

Then I get an email from a fellow blogger (Faith Barista) and my heart begins to stir.


Yet it wasn't until later while walking with my dear husband along the banks of the Feather River that I began to understand the stirring that was taking place.

And the sweet whispers in my darkness begin to come.

For so long I have been the one to keep the peace.... to be the pleaser... to make things happen so that others can be happy. To be the mom, long before I ever was one.

So much so that now at age 49, with kids grown and gone, I am lost if I do not have an expectation to live up to. I know how to take care of people... I know how to make them feel welcome, loved, and laugh... What I have lost is the ability to know how to make myself happy. I don't know how to function without someone to please.

As this understanding began to be revealed, my first response was the same as any other time when Jesus wants to walk with me through the pain... Wrestle the door knob out of his hand and slam and lock the door. Yet this time was different...

As I stood there and had hold of the knob instead of wrestling, I chose to let go... I stepped away from the unlocked door and out of Jesus' way. I give you access Lord, I don't know what all you will find there when you go in...It may even be a scene out of the show hoarders! but I am letting you in and willing to walk with you through the pain.

and it is there that hope, begins to come and I am reminded of the scripture I read earlier

“I have heard your prayer;
I have seen your tears.
I will heal you.” ~ 2 Kings 20:5

New Year... New Beginnings... I LIKE IT!

Ah the freshness of a new year and the possibilities that lie ahead. I think this is one of my personal favorite times of the year, only to be topped by Christmas.

Every year at this time I awake and ask God what we will be working on. He usually gives me a topic for the year, and this year is no different. In the past it has been things like "truth in my inward parts" or "Do you want to be safe, or do you want to live." This year it is " learning to live intentional"

I am excited for what lies ahead, however I have learned some things along the way... The most relevant being two fold... this road will not be how I expect it to be and in the end it will be well worth it!

For me what I see is learning to live like I have never lived before. I tend to swing between being the ostrich and the control freak... I stick my head in the sand whenever there is any difficulty that heads my way, only to peek out and then try to grab hold and control every little aspect of a situation making sure to smother every bit of life out of it!

I am thinking that God has a better way that He wants to teach me. Taking me to a place that will in the long run bring peace in the midst of any place he chooses to bring me to. Learning to rely on his direction and enjoying the ride along the way.

You are invited to come along with me on my journey... I will be as open as I possibly can...even in the hard places.

Handmaiden vs Warrior Princess

Life has been full of exciting changes lately... An ending of one longggggg season and the beginning of another. This is true both in the natural and in the spiritual.

Things are changing inside of me and although it is hard at times, there is a peace and assurance that it is for the better.

Yesterday, I walked outside to spend some time with the Lord. I have been learning how to control my emotions, how to speak words of blessing instead of cursing, and walking in who I am created to be. I am learning the difference between living by the Spirit and living by my heart.

I was sitting by the pool just opening up to God. I had read that the best way to control emotion is to praise. So I gave it a try.... I opened my heart, opened my mouth and sang what was in my heart.

It was during this time that the familiar voice of my God spoke to my heart.

I write these things not to boast, but to remind myself of who I am. I share these things with those who may read this to give hope that you also will embrace what God is speaking to you.

He said "You have captured the heart of your King and I have chosen you to be my handmaiden." To serve me personally in my courts. You no longer are to try and be who others have called you to be, you are to rest in the fact that you are mine. I have kept you for myself. Although there are times in your life that will call you to stand, I have not called you to be a warrior. I will fight your battles. My anointing rests on you. Live in who I have called you to be.

I have looked up what a handmaiden is: It is a servant set aside to tend to the wishes of a specific person.

Lord;

I am your handmaiden. I will gladly take up the position and minister to you.
I am honored to serve my King.

The Struggle of Faith

The struggle to stay afloat in this world called Faith sometimes is just that, a struggle... but isn't this the way that it is suppose to be? I look back upon the times I cherish most in my life, and I can honestly say they did not come without struggle and pain.

Learning to walk did not come without bumps and bruises along the way.

Riding a bike, skates, or any other thing with wheels for that matter didn't come without the feeling of life out of control and my world crashing...literally!

Saying goodbye to the ones I loved to set out on my own in this great big world was met with loneliness and breathtaking reality of what adulthood really meant.

Meeting my husband was first preceeded by a time where I was convenced that I was unloveable and forgotten.

The birth of each of my children, with a time of carrying a most uncomfortable weight, longing to see their face, hold them in my arms, and breathe in that first breath of new life fresh from heaven itself.

Each move, each choice, each step in this walk of life is a struggle to believe in what is yet to be seen, yet to be transfered from the reality of realms...spirit to natural.

Yet it is worth the wait... as all things good are... Wings are strengthened so that flight can be higher than first thought possible. We are created to dream big dreams, so that we can in times like these learn to touch the bigness of our God and soar.

God has great plans for us... just outside... just past the struggle...is the truth of what is to be.

In Between

~David the anointed king finds himself hiding in a cave, running for his life. ~Moses the leader of his people runs away and moves to the desert. ~Ruth gives up everything to follow her mother-in-law, to find herself in the middle of a field gathering the scraps left behind by the harvesters. There is a place in between… a place beyond the thrill of the commission and the realization of the promise. The place in between. Where life is lived, where faith is honed, and where trust is made. The enemy whispers the age old lie…”Did God really say?” and It is here the choice must be made. Will I go back to what is comfortable… Will I walk away, or will I really stand… Will I raise the sword that has been placed in my hand. Will I use the shield that protects my heart and take the step to truly believe? It is a place of vulnerability, of confusion, and of doubt… It is a place of choice. . Where battles are won and lost and where warriors are made.