Here Lies Hope

There is a question that stirs my heart. The question asked in Wild Goose Chase…. “What is it that makes you cry, that makes you pound your fist on the table? “

There are many things in my life that I think would be nice to do. There are certain things that scare the crap out of me just to think about doing …. but there is only one thing that does both.
I can look at this thing and because of the fear that is there, I can just as easily talk myself out of it. I can look at my inability, my past failures, my knees knocking so loud that it is drowns out all other noise and walk away wondering what could or should have been.

And I have. I have erected a headstone in my mind that says something like “Here Lies Hope” and the dates of when it was alive and well in my heart. I close the door and reconcile in my heart that yet again somewhere I missed the mark and failed. I didn’t follow close enough. I didn’t run hard enough, I didn’t do this or didn’t do that. And I walk away.

John 11 tells of a time when hope was again buried. A friend of Jesus was sick and died. Lazarus’ sisters were devastated. Plans had not gone as they had assumed they would . Mary, one of the sisters of Lazarus had been the one that poured all that she had out at the feet of Jesus. A message had been sent to Jesus, a cry for help. Her brother was sick, but if anyone could heal him it was Jesus. She had faith. She had seen what he could do. Yet, He didn’t come and her beloved brother died. How she must have ached at the devastation of it all. I can relate to this type of pain. I know what it is to pour out all that I have and then have something tragic in my life happen. I stand in the face of the storm that pours and proclaim “MY GOD WILL NOT FAIL!” and then nothing happens. Circumstances go from bad to my worst fears becoming my reality. And I wonder, where did I go wrong? Hope is buried.

John 11:33-37 says “When Jesus saw (Mary) weeping, and all the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Where have you laid him? Jesus asked, Come and see Lord, they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, See how he loved him! But some of them said, Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man, have kept this man from dying?” Here lies Hope! And yet this is not the end…

Mary like myself saw things in a certain way… we think if God only would do this, (it seems holy enough) then His name would be glorified in my life! But God had something else planned.
Yes, Jesus wept, he felt the devastation of hopes burial in the life of his friends. Suddenly, the command is given, roll away the stone. Just when I think that Hope is gone, I am willing to walk away and close the door I catch small glimpses of something out of the corner of my eye.

I am learning two things these days, God is leading me from the inside out. Not the other way around, and two sometimes what I think is the death of Hope in reality is the death of what I thought should happen and the resurrection of what truly should be.

Quit looking at your feet when you run!

I have began reading Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson. Although it has been around the house for I believe at least a year, this is the first that I have read past the back cover.

I have touted that God continues to ask, “Do you want to be safe, or do you want to live?” and although my hearts cry is to Live, my life actions have for far too long reacted as safe.

Oh there have been moments when I feel that I stand at the proverbial cliff and take a step, but I continually find myself scurrying back to safety at the first breeze that rocks the bridge that had suddenly appeared.

The first couple of chapters of the book Wild Goose Chase speak of a life of adventure, a life of following the Spirit of God instead of having the Spirit follow me. A quote and I suspect the reason for picking up the book in the first place, that seems to hit home is the following: “Most of us will have no idea where we are going most of the time, And I know that is unsettling, but circumstantial uncertainty also goes by another name….. ADVENTURE.

Why does this stir so much in me? Pain of past failures, uncertain futures and the fruitlessness of it all yet here again the thought of living life in abandonment to the Spirit awakens so much inside at each glance in that direction. I don’t want to live life in the cage of fear or failure.

And when brought to the Father as to why I keep getting disappointed in my efforts this is the response…. “Quit looking at your feet when you run.” Sounds bizzar I know, but I also know what He means. You see one of the mistakes I continue to make as a new runner is I concentrate on two things, both of which are wrong…. 1. I put way too much effort in beating my time instead of enjoying the run for the sake of running. And 2. I look down at my feet when I run instead of what is ahead. As long as I look at my feet and worry about what is directly in front of me, I loose focus on where I am going. My run becomes boring very quickly and I tire and just endure the task, but if I raise my eyes to what is ahead and continue on toward my goal, there is so much to take in along the way that the run is enjoyable. I learn to know what is up ahead and manuver around the obstacles instead of reacting as they pop up almost too late in my path.

So the eyes of my heart are once again lifted to the run that is ahead. I don’t want to be an inverted Christian exsisting day to day. I want to live dangerous. I don’t want to live to arrive at death safely. I hear the rusty cage door open, it is up to me to come out….. “let’s get daangerwous!”