Painful Perspective

Today is a very hard day. Emotions and the truth of them and the past are coming to the surface and we feel very alone.

We feel very alone and without a place. We can’t go back for the past no longer satisfies us, but we can’t find a way to go on either. It is as if we are a puzzle piece looking for a place to fit, but no matter how hard we try, we cant find the place we belong. Other pieces have come into our lives and we desperately try to make them connect with us… (even to the point of misshaping ourselves to form to them), but as time continues on we find ourselves alone and searching once again.

I keep getting a picture of a room full of people (elbow to elbow really) all with eyes tightly shut buying into the lure of the lie being told to their heart that they are alone. That they have blown it and can never come back… after all anyone who said that they loved you and cared have walked away because your failure was too big. On the occasion that an eye did chance to open, there was the realization that “No they were NOT alone” They were in a room surrounded by people… unfortunately they took comfort in that and did nothing else. Why is it that they never told the others surrounding them that the whisper was a lie? Why is it that they were content knowing that they were surrounded by others, never reaching out and touching any of them?

I don’t know where God is leading, I can’t begin to see what he has in mind for me? When I look back I see the reality of pain that has trailed my life. At times I am still the same lost teenage girl longing to have a friend. Faced with the reality that those who have said they loved me and my family have found someone else to love. I don’t understand this? Why is it when I vowed in their pain and choices to always be there when they called my determination is the same, but because I have chosen to follow where I believe God to lead me the same vow has been abandoned in return? It hurts, it is staggering and leaves me numb and without breath.

I know God is for me, I know that these are just emotions and they will pass. I know that God has great plans for me and my family. I know he is continually walking beside me and my family and we are walking where he is leading… I just wish, others would see the same.

Oh Lord, let our hearts be deaf to the lure of the lie and in tune to the truth being whispered. And give us courage to continue to touch others and tell them they too are not alone.