Wall or Wing?

2 Samuel 1-3

Ch 1
In lament, David ripped his clothes to ribbons. All the men with him did the same. They wept and fasted the rest of the day, grieving the death of Saul and his son Jonathan, and also the army of God and the nation Israel, victims in a failed battle.

David and his men wept. They wept for Saul… the man out to kill David, They wept for Jonathan, David’s friend that chose to stay loyal to those out to destroy David… and they wept for the army of God, victims in a failed battle.

This struck my heart strongly today.
It made me ask myself a question, that was humbling to answer.

How many times have I wept for… mourned for something other than what affected me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those who have come against me?
Have I ever mourned for those that were friends yet chose to stand by those who wounded me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those warriors in the army of God who have fallen victim in a failed battle?

The focus of my heart has to change. I must look at those who have come against me and mourn for them… mourn for the fact that they have listened to a lie instead of seeking the truth… that they have walked away from what God was longing to show them to heal the very thing that they were seeking deliverance from… That they chose safety instead of living.

Soothing Psalms
Psalms 91:1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I know like David, I am not to return to the relationships that were unhealthy and damaging. I know that if I did there would be certain death. But there is something to be said for the choice to hide under the shelter of his wings instead of behind the wall of pain.

When I hide behind the wall of pain it locks me away from everything and everyone. The only thing that is able to penetrate the wall is the flight of fight instinct that drove me there in the first place. I live with brick and mortar in hand, in breathless pain and debilitating numbness waiting for the next shoe to be dropped so the wall can be built higher.

Yet when I hide under the shelter of the Most High. It is then that I am closest to his heart. The storms of life can rage around me and yet there is nothing but safety. As I am there under his wings my heart learns to beat in rhythm with his and there is rest!

It is here in this rhythm that I learn to mourn for those who have walked away. Not from me, but from God. I can mourn the fact that they have chosen the old safe way of doing things and live in the perpetual “look at me” state to get their affirmation instead of experiencing the true adventure God has designed them for. I can mourn for those in the Army of God who have fallen victim to the enemy’s plan to divide and conquer. And lastly I can mourn those whom in the past I have called friend and have chosen to stand with those whose only thought was destruction.

Lord,
Thank you, thank you for showing me a tender side of you. Thank you for finding me hiding behind my walls of pain and bringing me to true safety under the shadow of your wing. Thank you for holding me close enough to hear the rhythm of your heart’s beat and giving me the opportunity of re-tuning the beat of my heart to be in sync with yours.