Random thoughts

As I come to the final months in 2011 and reflect on where God and I have walked this past year, I see that the journey although not at all at it’s final destination, has been further than I have expected.

It has been a path of strolling through meadows with the gentle breeze blowing thru my hair and whispers of I love you, to clinging to God as I walk… (sometimes all but run) through the valley of the shadow of death.
All the while learning some very valuable life changing lessons along the way. This year began with a whisper… “Truth in your inward being.” Quite honestly my persception was quite different than what God thought.
I assumed that it would be a year of God pouring truth into me…
I would become wise…
I would become closer to him…
I would show the world that I wasn’t the blonde they think I am.

God, however had other plans! God showed me, as painful as it was at the time, how empty I actually was.
That I had indeed lost my first love, and believed a lie.
He showed me that in my emptiness I was clinging so hard to what I couldn’t control, I was strangling those around me.
He showed me that what I believed to be truth about myself, about my husband, and about my friends and family was actually me filtered thru pain of the past.
He also showed me who He is… and who He has created me to be.
He has shown me that as I let go of who I think I should be, I have room to embrace who it is I have been created to be.
He restored my voice, strengthened my inward parts, and fashioned beauty for ashes.
He whispered of His deep love for me, and how he longed to see me as I truly am.
He took away my fear of not being in control and showed me how to fight.

I no longer have to cower and worry… I can now stand and declare He has set me free!
He has given me a longing to see others set free.
I long to take those so captivated by the past that their very breath seems to be sucked out of them and show them their future.
Show them that they are loved with an immeasurable love… I long to walk with them in their pain, as I am familiar with the path.
I long to hold them as all that they believe comes crashing down around them, because I know that after the weeping… Joy comes in the morning.
I do not know all the places that God is taking me, but I do know that there is a reason He has taught me to fight, there is a reason that He has shown me how deeply He loves me, and there is a reason I long to show this to others… and finally I can know that for now… that is enough for me!