The struggle to stay afloat in this world called Faith sometimes is just that, a struggle... but isn't this the way that it is suppose to be? I look back upon the times I cherish most in my life, and I can honestly say they did not come without struggle and pain.
Learning to walk did not come without bumps and bruises along the way.
Riding a bike, skates, or any other thing with wheels for that matter didn't come without the feeling of life out of control and my world crashing...literally!
Saying goodbye to the ones I loved to set out on my own in this great big world was met with loneliness and breathtaking reality of what adulthood really meant.
Meeting my husband was first preceeded by a time where I was convenced that I was unloveable and forgotten.
The birth of each of my children, with a time of carrying a most uncomfortable weight, longing to see their face, hold them in my arms, and breathe in that first breath of new life fresh from heaven itself.
Each move, each choice, each step in this walk of life is a struggle to believe in what is yet to be seen, yet to be transfered from the reality of realms...spirit to natural.
Yet it is worth the wait... as all things good are... Wings are strengthened so that flight can be higher than first thought possible. We are created to dream big dreams, so that we can in times like these learn to touch the bigness of our God and soar.
God has great plans for us... just outside... just past the struggle...is the truth of what is to be.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
In Between
~David the anointed king finds himself hiding in a cave, running for his life.
~Moses the leader of his people runs away and moves to the desert.
~Ruth gives up everything to follow her mother-in-law, to find herself in the middle of a field gathering the scraps left behind by the harvesters.
There is a place in between… a place beyond the thrill of the commission and the realization of the promise. The place in between. Where life is lived, where faith is honed, and where trust is made.
The enemy whispers the age old lie…”Did God really say?” and It is here the choice must be made. Will I go back to what is comfortable… Will I walk away, or will I really stand… Will I raise the sword that has been placed in my hand. Will I use the shield that protects my heart and take the step to truly believe?
It is a place of vulnerability, of confusion, and of doubt… It is a place of choice. . Where battles are won and lost and where warriors are made.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Random thoughts
As I come to the final months in 2011 and reflect on where God and I have walked this past year, I see that the journey although not at all at it’s final destination, has been further than I have expected.
It has been a path of strolling through meadows with the gentle breeze blowing thru my hair and whispers of I love you, to clinging to God as I walk… (sometimes all but run) through the valley of the shadow of death.
All the while learning some very valuable life changing lessons along the way. This year began with a whisper… “Truth in your inward being.” Quite honestly my persception was quite different than what God thought.
I assumed that it would be a year of God pouring truth into me…
I would become wise…
I would become closer to him…
I would show the world that I wasn’t the blonde they think I am.
God, however had other plans! God showed me, as painful as it was at the time, how empty I actually was.
That I had indeed lost my first love, and believed a lie.
He showed me that in my emptiness I was clinging so hard to what I couldn’t control, I was strangling those around me.
He showed me that what I believed to be truth about myself, about my husband, and about my friends and family was actually me filtered thru pain of the past.
He also showed me who He is… and who He has created me to be.
He has shown me that as I let go of who I think I should be, I have room to embrace who it is I have been created to be.
He restored my voice, strengthened my inward parts, and fashioned beauty for ashes.
He whispered of His deep love for me, and how he longed to see me as I truly am.
He took away my fear of not being in control and showed me how to fight.
I no longer have to cower and worry… I can now stand and declare He has set me free!
He has given me a longing to see others set free.
I long to take those so captivated by the past that their very breath seems to be sucked out of them and show them their future.
Show them that they are loved with an immeasurable love… I long to walk with them in their pain, as I am familiar with the path.
I long to hold them as all that they believe comes crashing down around them, because I know that after the weeping… Joy comes in the morning.
I do not know all the places that God is taking me, but I do know that there is a reason He has taught me to fight, there is a reason that He has shown me how deeply He loves me, and there is a reason I long to show this to others… and finally I can know that for now… that is enough for me!
It has been a path of strolling through meadows with the gentle breeze blowing thru my hair and whispers of I love you, to clinging to God as I walk… (sometimes all but run) through the valley of the shadow of death.
All the while learning some very valuable life changing lessons along the way. This year began with a whisper… “Truth in your inward being.” Quite honestly my persception was quite different than what God thought.
I assumed that it would be a year of God pouring truth into me…
I would become wise…
I would become closer to him…
I would show the world that I wasn’t the blonde they think I am.
God, however had other plans! God showed me, as painful as it was at the time, how empty I actually was.
That I had indeed lost my first love, and believed a lie.
He showed me that in my emptiness I was clinging so hard to what I couldn’t control, I was strangling those around me.
He showed me that what I believed to be truth about myself, about my husband, and about my friends and family was actually me filtered thru pain of the past.
He also showed me who He is… and who He has created me to be.
He has shown me that as I let go of who I think I should be, I have room to embrace who it is I have been created to be.
He restored my voice, strengthened my inward parts, and fashioned beauty for ashes.
He whispered of His deep love for me, and how he longed to see me as I truly am.
He took away my fear of not being in control and showed me how to fight.
I no longer have to cower and worry… I can now stand and declare He has set me free!
He has given me a longing to see others set free.
I long to take those so captivated by the past that their very breath seems to be sucked out of them and show them their future.
Show them that they are loved with an immeasurable love… I long to walk with them in their pain, as I am familiar with the path.
I long to hold them as all that they believe comes crashing down around them, because I know that after the weeping… Joy comes in the morning.
I do not know all the places that God is taking me, but I do know that there is a reason He has taught me to fight, there is a reason that He has shown me how deeply He loves me, and there is a reason I long to show this to others… and finally I can know that for now… that is enough for me!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Even now, what stirs your heart?
2 Kings Ch 11
Your job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going.
Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere
God does not reveal himself as limitless in order to limit us. Quite the contrary. He wants to put his heart within us. “God did not save you to tame you!”
God is not looking for people who act like Christians. He wants us to be Christians! The word Christian means “anointed or Christ-like one.” Jesus didn’t go around “being good,”; he went around “doing good” and releasing all who were oppressed. What has he anointed you to do?
How will you respond when you are fully, dangerously awake? What history will you make? Will you, like the fierce lioness, awaken from a tranquilized state and rise up to defend your family, your community, your world? Are you awake? Even now, what stirs your heart?
Just as the men in the above scripture where charged; our job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going. This must be our first and foremost obligation. Without this at the forefront of our daily lives all that follows is for nothing.
We try so hard to act like Christians, when this isn’t what God wants from us at all. He wants us to BE Christians. Not to act “Christ-like, but to BE Christ-like. “ how will we know what to do if we have no idea who he is and what he is doing?
We are not drones, that just walk around filling space, bumping into things and only spitting out what we have been programmed to do. We are, with the anointing of The King, a forced to be reckoned with. A voice to be heard above the deadening hum of the ordinary.
What stirs my heart? I want to see the lives of others change as they realize that they are free. I want to take them by the hand and show them who God has called them to be. I want to be with them to help them understand the gifts that they have hidden for so long and watch as they release them to soar. I want to be there as they pick up the weapon and turn and slay the enemy that has held them in bondage with a mere lie. I want to stand with them in the midst of their storm and together yell the battle cry… “I AM FREE! I WILL LIVE!”
Your job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going.
Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere
God does not reveal himself as limitless in order to limit us. Quite the contrary. He wants to put his heart within us. “God did not save you to tame you!”
God is not looking for people who act like Christians. He wants us to be Christians! The word Christian means “anointed or Christ-like one.” Jesus didn’t go around “being good,”; he went around “doing good” and releasing all who were oppressed. What has he anointed you to do?
How will you respond when you are fully, dangerously awake? What history will you make? Will you, like the fierce lioness, awaken from a tranquilized state and rise up to defend your family, your community, your world? Are you awake? Even now, what stirs your heart?
Just as the men in the above scripture where charged; our job is to stay with the king at all times and places, coming and going. This must be our first and foremost obligation. Without this at the forefront of our daily lives all that follows is for nothing.
We try so hard to act like Christians, when this isn’t what God wants from us at all. He wants us to BE Christians. Not to act “Christ-like, but to BE Christ-like. “ how will we know what to do if we have no idea who he is and what he is doing?
We are not drones, that just walk around filling space, bumping into things and only spitting out what we have been programmed to do. We are, with the anointing of The King, a forced to be reckoned with. A voice to be heard above the deadening hum of the ordinary.
What stirs my heart? I want to see the lives of others change as they realize that they are free. I want to take them by the hand and show them who God has called them to be. I want to be with them to help them understand the gifts that they have hidden for so long and watch as they release them to soar. I want to be there as they pick up the weapon and turn and slay the enemy that has held them in bondage with a mere lie. I want to stand with them in the midst of their storm and together yell the battle cry… “I AM FREE! I WILL LIVE!”
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Wall or Wing?
2 Samuel 1-3
Ch 1
In lament, David ripped his clothes to ribbons. All the men with him did the same. They wept and fasted the rest of the day, grieving the death of Saul and his son Jonathan, and also the army of God and the nation Israel, victims in a failed battle.
David and his men wept. They wept for Saul… the man out to kill David, They wept for Jonathan, David’s friend that chose to stay loyal to those out to destroy David… and they wept for the army of God, victims in a failed battle.
This struck my heart strongly today.
It made me ask myself a question, that was humbling to answer.
How many times have I wept for… mourned for something other than what affected me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those who have come against me?
Have I ever mourned for those that were friends yet chose to stand by those who wounded me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those warriors in the army of God who have fallen victim in a failed battle?
The focus of my heart has to change. I must look at those who have come against me and mourn for them… mourn for the fact that they have listened to a lie instead of seeking the truth… that they have walked away from what God was longing to show them to heal the very thing that they were seeking deliverance from… That they chose safety instead of living.
Soothing Psalms
Psalms 91:1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I know like David, I am not to return to the relationships that were unhealthy and damaging. I know that if I did there would be certain death. But there is something to be said for the choice to hide under the shelter of his wings instead of behind the wall of pain.
When I hide behind the wall of pain it locks me away from everything and everyone. The only thing that is able to penetrate the wall is the flight of fight instinct that drove me there in the first place. I live with brick and mortar in hand, in breathless pain and debilitating numbness waiting for the next shoe to be dropped so the wall can be built higher.
Yet when I hide under the shelter of the Most High. It is then that I am closest to his heart. The storms of life can rage around me and yet there is nothing but safety. As I am there under his wings my heart learns to beat in rhythm with his and there is rest!
It is here in this rhythm that I learn to mourn for those who have walked away. Not from me, but from God. I can mourn the fact that they have chosen the old safe way of doing things and live in the perpetual “look at me” state to get their affirmation instead of experiencing the true adventure God has designed them for. I can mourn for those in the Army of God who have fallen victim to the enemy’s plan to divide and conquer. And lastly I can mourn those whom in the past I have called friend and have chosen to stand with those whose only thought was destruction.
Lord,
Thank you, thank you for showing me a tender side of you. Thank you for finding me hiding behind my walls of pain and bringing me to true safety under the shadow of your wing. Thank you for holding me close enough to hear the rhythm of your heart’s beat and giving me the opportunity of re-tuning the beat of my heart to be in sync with yours.
Ch 1
In lament, David ripped his clothes to ribbons. All the men with him did the same. They wept and fasted the rest of the day, grieving the death of Saul and his son Jonathan, and also the army of God and the nation Israel, victims in a failed battle.
David and his men wept. They wept for Saul… the man out to kill David, They wept for Jonathan, David’s friend that chose to stay loyal to those out to destroy David… and they wept for the army of God, victims in a failed battle.
This struck my heart strongly today.
It made me ask myself a question, that was humbling to answer.
How many times have I wept for… mourned for something other than what affected me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those who have come against me?
Have I ever mourned for those that were friends yet chose to stand by those who wounded me?
Has there ever been a time that I have mourned for those warriors in the army of God who have fallen victim in a failed battle?
The focus of my heart has to change. I must look at those who have come against me and mourn for them… mourn for the fact that they have listened to a lie instead of seeking the truth… that they have walked away from what God was longing to show them to heal the very thing that they were seeking deliverance from… That they chose safety instead of living.
Soothing Psalms
Psalms 91:1
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I know like David, I am not to return to the relationships that were unhealthy and damaging. I know that if I did there would be certain death. But there is something to be said for the choice to hide under the shelter of his wings instead of behind the wall of pain.
When I hide behind the wall of pain it locks me away from everything and everyone. The only thing that is able to penetrate the wall is the flight of fight instinct that drove me there in the first place. I live with brick and mortar in hand, in breathless pain and debilitating numbness waiting for the next shoe to be dropped so the wall can be built higher.
Yet when I hide under the shelter of the Most High. It is then that I am closest to his heart. The storms of life can rage around me and yet there is nothing but safety. As I am there under his wings my heart learns to beat in rhythm with his and there is rest!
It is here in this rhythm that I learn to mourn for those who have walked away. Not from me, but from God. I can mourn the fact that they have chosen the old safe way of doing things and live in the perpetual “look at me” state to get their affirmation instead of experiencing the true adventure God has designed them for. I can mourn for those in the Army of God who have fallen victim to the enemy’s plan to divide and conquer. And lastly I can mourn those whom in the past I have called friend and have chosen to stand with those whose only thought was destruction.
Lord,
Thank you, thank you for showing me a tender side of you. Thank you for finding me hiding behind my walls of pain and bringing me to true safety under the shadow of your wing. Thank you for holding me close enough to hear the rhythm of your heart’s beat and giving me the opportunity of re-tuning the beat of my heart to be in sync with yours.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
At His feet
Ruth is one of my favorite books of the bible. The story of a young widow, leaving all that she is comfortable with to follow after a God she barely knows.
Naomi and Ruth find themselves back in Naomi’s home town. Naomi is devastated by what life has brought her… the death of not only her husband, but her two sons as well.
In a time when women were not allowed to “fend for themselves,” the loss of all the males in the family brought on additional hardship.
Ruth steps up and decides to put herself at risk and glean in the fields. Picking up the scraps that the harvesters have left behind.
Boaz notices the commitment of this young girl to her mother in law and how hard she works and gives her special privileges.
Later Ruth offers herself at the feet of Boaz and becomes his wife… the mother of Jesse, the great grandmother of David.
Soothing Psalms
Psalms 83:18
May they know that you alone—whose name is Yahweh—are the Most High over all the earth!
The Lord works in amazing way and can change the course of any human plan. Be patient and trust him, because his vindication is coming.
This brings me peace… The story of Ruth reminds me that my hard work and commitment to those I love have not gone unnoticed. As I continue to offer myself at the feet of Jesus he will cover me and protect me. He does indeed work in amazing ways and can change the course of any human plan in an instant.
We never really know the outcome of our actions, but we can be sure that if they are placed at the feet of our savior they will be made to be more than we could ever hope or imagine.
Naomi and Ruth find themselves back in Naomi’s home town. Naomi is devastated by what life has brought her… the death of not only her husband, but her two sons as well.
In a time when women were not allowed to “fend for themselves,” the loss of all the males in the family brought on additional hardship.
Ruth steps up and decides to put herself at risk and glean in the fields. Picking up the scraps that the harvesters have left behind.
Boaz notices the commitment of this young girl to her mother in law and how hard she works and gives her special privileges.
Later Ruth offers herself at the feet of Boaz and becomes his wife… the mother of Jesse, the great grandmother of David.
Soothing Psalms
Psalms 83:18
May they know that you alone—whose name is Yahweh—are the Most High over all the earth!
The Lord works in amazing way and can change the course of any human plan. Be patient and trust him, because his vindication is coming.
This brings me peace… The story of Ruth reminds me that my hard work and commitment to those I love have not gone unnoticed. As I continue to offer myself at the feet of Jesus he will cover me and protect me. He does indeed work in amazing ways and can change the course of any human plan in an instant.
We never really know the outcome of our actions, but we can be sure that if they are placed at the feet of our savior they will be made to be more than we could ever hope or imagine.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
You want me to do WHAT?
Soothing Psalms
Ps 78:37-39
“Their hearts were not really loyal to God… Still God was merciful… He remembered that they were only human, like a wind that blows and does not come back”
Judges Ch 6
One day the angel of God…came to Gideon and said “God is with you, O mighty warrior!”
Gideon replied, “ With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, “Didn’t God deliver us from Egypt?’ The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian.”
But God faced him directly: “Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven’t I just sent you?”
Gideon said to him, me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me, my clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”
God said to him. “I’ll be with you . Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.”
Gideon said, “If you’re serious about this , do me a favor: Give me a sign to back up what you’re telling me. Don’t leave until I come back and bring you my gift.”
I love the story of Gideon. His country is devastated. They are living eyeball deep in the choices that they made, and it has caused them to question God. (How very much like me… My choices leading me to question God)
Their enemy is ravaging them to the point that they have NOTHING! Like grains of sand, everything they try to grasp at slips through their fingers leaving them empty and afraid.
This is where the angel of God finds Gideon… Hiding out in the wine press threshing wheat.
Trying desperately to steal away to scrounge up a small meager meal.
Yet the angel of God calls him “Mighty Warrior” and commissions him for duty. He tells him to tear down the Baal idols that have been set up and to offer a sacrifice to God on the alter.
Gideon’s response… If you are really sent by God…. Wait here while I go get you something to eat. What does he make… Stew! Not a quick go grab something; but something that takes time. (I can imagine he was hoping when he returned that the angel of God would be tired of waiting, or that this was all some sort of bad dream and would be gone)
He wasn’t!
So reluctantly Gideon obeyed the command of the angel and tore down his father’s alter of Baal and offered sacrifices to God… In the middle of the night, bringing along 10 men, so that nobody would know that it was him.
But they found out!
Here Gideon is pumped! And in his zeal blows his rams horn… calling out his enemy to a fight.
Other’s respond to the battle cry!
Then the reality of what is about to happen sets in and again Gideon sets out a test for God… (two in fact, just incase there is some sort of fluke the first time)
God answers… then cuts Gideon’s men from 30 companies… to 300 men!
I am sure at this point there was probably a great deal of reluctance and nervousness on Gideon’s part!
God then uses Gideon to destroy the enemy!
I love the story of Gideon… why because he is so much like me.
I find myself eyeball deep in the choices I’ve made, grasping at the sand that keeps slipping through my fingers… hiding out from my enemy trying to eek by with just enough to calm the rumbling of my stomach when God finds me, looks me in the eye, and calls me Mighty Warrior!
He knows my fears that tend to consume me, and is patient in meeting my needs… all the time building my courage for the battle that lies ahead.
God uses ordinary everyday people to do his extraordinary work. And it will never cease to amaze me! Why? Because he remembers who I am… just like I remember… all my failures, all my wrong choices… all my stupid mistakes… all my fears… yet He chooses to love me… to use me and to call me by who he has created me to be… A Mighty Warrior used for the King of Kings!
Ps 78:37-39
“Their hearts were not really loyal to God… Still God was merciful… He remembered that they were only human, like a wind that blows and does not come back”
Judges Ch 6
One day the angel of God…came to Gideon and said “God is with you, O mighty warrior!”
Gideon replied, “ With me, my master? If God is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all the miracle-wonders our parents and grandparents told us about, telling us, “Didn’t God deliver us from Egypt?’ The fact is, God has nothing to do with us—he has turned us over to Midian.”
But God faced him directly: “Go in this strength that is yours. Save Israel from Midian. Haven’t I just sent you?”
Gideon said to him, me, my master? How and with what could I ever save Israel? Look at me, my clan’s the weakest in Manasseh and I’m the runt of the litter.”
God said to him. “I’ll be with you . Believe me, you’ll defeat Midian as one man.”
Gideon said, “If you’re serious about this , do me a favor: Give me a sign to back up what you’re telling me. Don’t leave until I come back and bring you my gift.”
I love the story of Gideon. His country is devastated. They are living eyeball deep in the choices that they made, and it has caused them to question God. (How very much like me… My choices leading me to question God)
Their enemy is ravaging them to the point that they have NOTHING! Like grains of sand, everything they try to grasp at slips through their fingers leaving them empty and afraid.
This is where the angel of God finds Gideon… Hiding out in the wine press threshing wheat.
Trying desperately to steal away to scrounge up a small meager meal.
Yet the angel of God calls him “Mighty Warrior” and commissions him for duty. He tells him to tear down the Baal idols that have been set up and to offer a sacrifice to God on the alter.
Gideon’s response… If you are really sent by God…. Wait here while I go get you something to eat. What does he make… Stew! Not a quick go grab something; but something that takes time. (I can imagine he was hoping when he returned that the angel of God would be tired of waiting, or that this was all some sort of bad dream and would be gone)
He wasn’t!
So reluctantly Gideon obeyed the command of the angel and tore down his father’s alter of Baal and offered sacrifices to God… In the middle of the night, bringing along 10 men, so that nobody would know that it was him.
But they found out!
Here Gideon is pumped! And in his zeal blows his rams horn… calling out his enemy to a fight.
Other’s respond to the battle cry!
Then the reality of what is about to happen sets in and again Gideon sets out a test for God… (two in fact, just incase there is some sort of fluke the first time)
God answers… then cuts Gideon’s men from 30 companies… to 300 men!
I am sure at this point there was probably a great deal of reluctance and nervousness on Gideon’s part!
God then uses Gideon to destroy the enemy!
I love the story of Gideon… why because he is so much like me.
I find myself eyeball deep in the choices I’ve made, grasping at the sand that keeps slipping through my fingers… hiding out from my enemy trying to eek by with just enough to calm the rumbling of my stomach when God finds me, looks me in the eye, and calls me Mighty Warrior!
He knows my fears that tend to consume me, and is patient in meeting my needs… all the time building my courage for the battle that lies ahead.
God uses ordinary everyday people to do his extraordinary work. And it will never cease to amaze me! Why? Because he remembers who I am… just like I remember… all my failures, all my wrong choices… all my stupid mistakes… all my fears… yet He chooses to love me… to use me and to call me by who he has created me to be… A Mighty Warrior used for the King of Kings!
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