Thoughts from Samuel- Hannah's hunger.

In my recent conversations with family, it has been suggested that I study Samuel to discover some of the truths that it may have to offer... Being the always obedient one that I am (she says tongue in cheek) this is what I have discovered so far.

1 Samuel 1:1-20 Hannah wanted! Hannah longed! Hannah was ridiculed! and Hannah was pacified by her husband.... but it wasn't until Hannah was in anguish and ready to sacrifice that God honored her prayer.

How many times do I find myself in that same situation....all too many to count. There are so many times that I have wanted, have longed even, for some situation in my life... all for very good reason I might add...

Unfortunately there are very few that I have refused to be pacified and instead moved to anguish and sacrifice. Not in some masochist kind of way... in the traditional sense anyway.

Looking back it has only been the times that are the hardest, when the anguish and sacrifice in my life is all that I can give to God that God in turn brings the greatest blessing.

If I am to fly as I long to do, to touch as I long to touch, to love even as I long to love then I must stop looking for the quick fix of someone pacifying me and move to the sacrificial life that God has called me to live. At times there will be anguish and so much pain that it seems to leave me gasping for breath, but I can be sure God will hear me and honor my prayer... and my life in a way that I could only imagine.... If I want it bad enough.

To begin again

After over a year of silence, I begin again. Not with fresh wisdom or new found resolution, but because I need to! I awoke in the middle of the night last night with a longing to find you again. A longing to share, to search, to walk down this path filled most days with so much fog I can do nothing except what is directly in front of me.

Since my last post there have been many events unfolding... some that have caused me to question, some that has caused me to seek and some that has caused me to walk away. I will not at this time go into the details, but will instead leave it with, I am not the person I once was.

The quest of the past year has been painful, but necessary to say the least. I have found out many things about myself.... For example I not only have lost more than 50 lbs, but have run 3 5k's... I am physically stronger and healthier than I have been in quite some time. I am also lacking in so much more than I have in quite some time.

So it is full circle that I come... seeking, walking, and exploring whatever is ahead.... Where it will take me, I have no idea, but I have no choice but to place one foot in front of the other and walk on.