The Struggle of Faith

The struggle to stay afloat in this world called Faith sometimes is just that, a struggle... but isn't this the way that it is suppose to be? I look back upon the times I cherish most in my life, and I can honestly say they did not come without struggle and pain.

Learning to walk did not come without bumps and bruises along the way.

Riding a bike, skates, or any other thing with wheels for that matter didn't come without the feeling of life out of control and my world crashing...literally!

Saying goodbye to the ones I loved to set out on my own in this great big world was met with loneliness and breathtaking reality of what adulthood really meant.

Meeting my husband was first preceeded by a time where I was convenced that I was unloveable and forgotten.

The birth of each of my children, with a time of carrying a most uncomfortable weight, longing to see their face, hold them in my arms, and breathe in that first breath of new life fresh from heaven itself.

Each move, each choice, each step in this walk of life is a struggle to believe in what is yet to be seen, yet to be transfered from the reality of realms...spirit to natural.

Yet it is worth the wait... as all things good are... Wings are strengthened so that flight can be higher than first thought possible. We are created to dream big dreams, so that we can in times like these learn to touch the bigness of our God and soar.

God has great plans for us... just outside... just past the struggle...is the truth of what is to be.

In Between

~David the anointed king finds himself hiding in a cave, running for his life. ~Moses the leader of his people runs away and moves to the desert. ~Ruth gives up everything to follow her mother-in-law, to find herself in the middle of a field gathering the scraps left behind by the harvesters. There is a place in between… a place beyond the thrill of the commission and the realization of the promise. The place in between. Where life is lived, where faith is honed, and where trust is made. The enemy whispers the age old lie…”Did God really say?” and It is here the choice must be made. Will I go back to what is comfortable… Will I walk away, or will I really stand… Will I raise the sword that has been placed in my hand. Will I use the shield that protects my heart and take the step to truly believe? It is a place of vulnerability, of confusion, and of doubt… It is a place of choice. . Where battles are won and lost and where warriors are made.

Random thoughts

As I come to the final months in 2011 and reflect on where God and I have walked this past year, I see that the journey although not at all at it’s final destination, has been further than I have expected.

It has been a path of strolling through meadows with the gentle breeze blowing thru my hair and whispers of I love you, to clinging to God as I walk… (sometimes all but run) through the valley of the shadow of death.
All the while learning some very valuable life changing lessons along the way. This year began with a whisper… “Truth in your inward being.” Quite honestly my persception was quite different than what God thought.
I assumed that it would be a year of God pouring truth into me…
I would become wise…
I would become closer to him…
I would show the world that I wasn’t the blonde they think I am.

God, however had other plans! God showed me, as painful as it was at the time, how empty I actually was.
That I had indeed lost my first love, and believed a lie.
He showed me that in my emptiness I was clinging so hard to what I couldn’t control, I was strangling those around me.
He showed me that what I believed to be truth about myself, about my husband, and about my friends and family was actually me filtered thru pain of the past.
He also showed me who He is… and who He has created me to be.
He has shown me that as I let go of who I think I should be, I have room to embrace who it is I have been created to be.
He restored my voice, strengthened my inward parts, and fashioned beauty for ashes.
He whispered of His deep love for me, and how he longed to see me as I truly am.
He took away my fear of not being in control and showed me how to fight.

I no longer have to cower and worry… I can now stand and declare He has set me free!
He has given me a longing to see others set free.
I long to take those so captivated by the past that their very breath seems to be sucked out of them and show them their future.
Show them that they are loved with an immeasurable love… I long to walk with them in their pain, as I am familiar with the path.
I long to hold them as all that they believe comes crashing down around them, because I know that after the weeping… Joy comes in the morning.
I do not know all the places that God is taking me, but I do know that there is a reason He has taught me to fight, there is a reason that He has shown me how deeply He loves me, and there is a reason I long to show this to others… and finally I can know that for now… that is enough for me!