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Welcome to my spot! Here is just a place to share... most times it will be what I am currently journaling, while others with be a question that I need to get past bouncing around my head..

Either way you are more than welcome to comment, question, suggest or stir anything that causes you to be inspired.

My life is Rich, and it is a joy to share my heart with you and an honor to touch a life in the process.

So again Welcome!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Oh the places we will go.

Oh the places we will go... sounds like a line from a Dr. Seuss book, and it very well may be.

I am encouraged, yet afraid as I walk this journey I am on. So much revealed, so much uncovered, so much learned, yet so much more to go.

I knew when God whispered the words for this year "Learning to live intentionally" into my heart that it would take me places that I would be uncomfortable with... Little did I know that it would start so soon and be so personal! ( I should have known better! :) )

For the past couple of days the feeling of just being lost. My sweet love of my life has taken on a project of redoing a small fishing boat and so has been absent from our day to day living of life. I spent the time wandering aimlessly through the house, taking care of things that needed to be done but in my heart lost and empty.

Then I get an email from a fellow blogger (Faith Barista) and my heart begins to stir.


Yet it wasn't until later while walking with my dear husband along the banks of the Feather River that I began to understand the stirring that was taking place.

And the sweet whispers in my darkness begin to come.

For so long I have been the one to keep the peace.... to be the pleaser... to make things happen so that others can be happy. To be the mom, long before I ever was one.

So much so that now at age 49, with kids grown and gone, I am lost if I do not have an expectation to live up to. I know how to take care of people... I know how to make them feel welcome, loved, and laugh... What I have lost is the ability to know how to make myself happy. I don't know how to function without someone to please.

As this understanding began to be revealed, my first response was the same as any other time when Jesus wants to walk with me through the pain... Wrestle the door knob out of his hand and slam and lock the door. Yet this time was different...

As I stood there and had hold of the knob instead of wrestling, I chose to let go... I stepped away from the unlocked door and out of Jesus' way. I give you access Lord, I don't know what all you will find there when you go in...It may even be a scene out of the show hoarders! but I am letting you in and willing to walk with you through the pain.

and it is there that hope, begins to come and I am reminded of the scripture I read earlier

“I have heard your prayer;
I have seen your tears.
I will heal you.” ~ 2 Kings 20:5

2 comments:

Jenni Wojtowicz said...

Tammy,
What an excellent word! I needed that reminder and *challenge* to let go of the knob when Jesus wants into my dark rooms. I too want to wrestle it away and shut and lock the door. No, not there Lord. Not there. Thanks for sharing so honestly!

Jenni

Unknown said...

Jenni~ Again our paths parallel. I am honored to walk this road with you. Our physical distance may have some space, but our hearts are never far.